The word I need to learn.

The word I need to do.

The word I want to be.

I’ve noticed this wonderful swell of consciousness around choosing ONE WORD. Rather than New Year’s Resolutions or goals, one word is a place of focus. Obviously, this is a Spirit thing and I love it. Alece is doing it and a hundred+ with her. Lindsey is doing it. We’re doing it on SheLoves, thanks to Sarah. And Sarah was inspired by Ann.

It’s beautiful.

Which brings me to my word for 2011:

ROAR.

Yes, roar. For now I am just sitting with the word, swirling it around inside of me … getting used to it. Roar feels big and like I would have to really grow into it. I would have to open my mouth wide and put all my strength into it.

I will unpack it more over here in the next while.

But for now, I simply know it’s my word for 2011. I know that I know that I know.

So … Roar.

Question: Do you have your word?

No coincidence then when I read these as my final night-night words last night, courtesy of Kahlil Gibran in The Prophet:

All these things you have said of beauty,
Yet in truth you spoke not of her but of needs unsatisfied,
And beauty is not a need but an ecstasy.
It is not a mouth thirsting nor an empty hand stretched forth,
But rather a heart enflamed and a soul enchanted.

Ahhh.

So, as promised, I started this list yesterday, thinking through the little moments that really were Big in 2010, because even after a year they still linger in my soul. There really are many more, but in an attempt to not go on into 2012, here goes:

Talking into the night with Jodi and Jenna, squished into our airplane seats, on our way to Colour Conference in Sydney, Australia.

Spending the day with the girls at the City Harvest School of Hairdressing and Beauty Therapy: one of the top five days of my life. Ever.

A weekend in the Downtown Eastside. Making new friends who are growing closer and closer to my heart with every encounter.

Moments with the children. A song for a prayer at dinner time. Dancing on the grass by the campfire in Point Roberts. Watching them rip around on the Barbie car. Girls sitting at their art table. A note for Mommy. The little little moments that help me keep breathing through the flurry.

Watching my dad play and be with our kids. It’s redeeming so much.

QUESTION: What were the moments for you this past year? Which ones linger in your soul?

Here’s to being present to many Big Little Moments in 2011 …

And here’s Eddy, just because I love this song and it brings back so many memories:

Love you.

Like the day I stepped off the plane in Nairobi as if right into the skin I’ve always had and realized:

1. I am African.

I came home to myself in Kenya this year. I was both welcomed and sent off with words that affirmed my identity: “Oh, so you are an African!”

Yes, yes, I am. I can now say it confidently, proudly and with so much gratitude.

Then this morning Reggie Nel, a South African tweep I’ve never actually met in real life, but is a brother and friend, tweeted this:

“When I say Africa for African I mean those, of any colour, who accept Africa as home. Colour does not mean anything to me.” –Robert Sobukwe

I know this: I may not live in Africa now, but Africa will always live in me.

If you’d like to read more about my big African moment, here are three posts I wrote about it:

• Proudly African
• The Saving of an Afrikaner
• I went to Amahoro & got a lot more than the T-shirt

2. I am Canadian.

Then there’s the fact that I am an immigrant, Canadian and married into a wonderful blended family. One of the most joyous and significant moments of my year, was the day I spent with Grandma Linda (then 97).

Last Christmas we’d bought her tickets to go see the Women’s Curling at the Vancouver Winter Olympics. We had a date.

On that Tuesday we almost ran out of gas and I had the hardest time finding parking close to the venue. But Grandma wore Canadian red and we laughed our way through the day. In the end we sat an arm’s length away from the Canadian women’s team.

I soaked up Grandmas’s stories of curling with frozen jam cans when she was a teenager in The Pas, Northern Manitoba. She patiently informed me on the nuances of curling. We shared a hot dog and orange juice and we still talk about that day. I won’t forget it.

Grandma is one of the reasons I am so thankful to be Canadian.

3. I am … is enough.

This moment came early in the year. I think I tweeted it. More importantly, I heard the words: “You are enough” and cemented them in my soul. Knowing this–and believing this–go hand in hand with understanding where I stand, Whose I am. Knowing that I am rooted and established in Love.

I can’t hear this enough.

(Now, looking at this Halloween picture again, I might have to agree that I’m not only enough, but probably plenty.)

What’s next? Tomorrow I’d love to share a list of some of the Big Little Moments of the past year. I hope you’ll check back and tell me some of yours too.

On leaving a comment: You might not know this, but when you leave a comment, it’s like you’d just baked me a fresh cupcake, pulled an organic carrot from your own garden, or handed me a latte. Words mean a whole lot to me. They might even mean more than an iPad. (You get the picture.) So, thanks for connecting with your words and presence.

Kindred Spirit: While working on this post today, doing my best to stay somewhat focused through the tugs and calls of motherhood, I noticed a tweet by Sarah Bessey, aka @EmergingMummy. I read her post and I’m so glad I did. I think we’re tuned into the same Frequency. Do yourself a New Year’s favour and check it out.

I love fresh beginnings and I love that in North America I get TWO fresh beginnings annually: one in January with a new calendar year, and one in September, when school starts. In South Africa, where I grew up, there was one chance to start over. The new school year began in January and stretched through December. (It still does.) As a kid, the year seemed long.

Here, in Canada, I get to think through a fresh start twice a year and somehow it makes 365 days seem less daunting. It feels like there’s more room for Grace … more chances. I feel like the year says: It’s going to be okay.

Here are Three of my Deep Desires for this fresh year:

1. Intention:

• Revamping this blog and focusing it around the destiny I was born for: standing at the Walls that separate us from each other, our stories, our purpose, justice.
• Watering SheLoves magazine.com : the world I long to see (when the Walls come down); stories of Love that quietly, powerfully and beautifully transform ourselves and our world.
• Keeping a list of the books I’m reading.
• More poetry.

2. Togetherness.

With myself & God: quiet early mornings, yoga practice

Family: dates, playtime.

Others: space for old friends, new friends, new ideas, ancient ideas.

3. Expression

Asking/finding/organizing help, so I can give attention to the above.

Expressing what I learn, think, wonder, hope, pray. Also expressing the parts I am not so sure and clear about. Being more willing to be vulnerable. Being more open with my flaws and gaps and my own humanity. Taking the risk to be misunderstood and rejected. Doing it anyway. Repeating to self that being too much is … glorious.

Question: What do you think about two fresh starts? What are your deep desires for this new year ahead? What do you hope for in 2011? (What are you afraid of?) What do you look forward to in the new year?

“Mary … was a woman immersed in the Word, long before the Word immersed itself in her.” –Jan L. Richardson, In the Sanctuary of Women: A Companion for Reflection & Prayer.

This will be my Christmas reading, thanks to the heads up by Heidi. I love Jan Richardson’s Sacred Journeys and could hardly wait for my copy of her latest.

I look forward to drinking from a deep, deep well.

It really is about how I’m looking for Joy in my minivan life: “Joy in the Glorious, the Ordinary & the Dry.”

I put a lot of heart into it and I’d love it if you’d check it out here.

(Also, here’s a list of the other contributors for last week with links to their stories. It’s so worth a read.)

It really is about how I’m looking for Joy in my minivan life: “Joy in the Glorious, the Ordinary & the Dry.”

I put a lot of heart into it and I’d love it if you’d check it out here.

(Also, here’s a list of the other contributors for last week with links to their stories. It’s so worth a read.)

Brilliant. Thanks, Matthew Paul Turner at Jesus Needs New PR.

“The author who benefits you most is not the one who tells you something you did not know before, but the one who gives expression to the truth that has been dumbly struggling in you for utterance.” -Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest

PS: The pink frame is such a good look for him.

I’m not the same old girl, no.
I want a brand new world.

(Can you hear her just belting it out? Love that girl. But, I digress.)

1. The story starts with a post by Mike Todd over on Waving or Drowning called The Theology of the Lottery of Life.

These images are incredibly powerful. Piercing, in fact. There are more. Combined with some crisp, articulate thoughts from Mike. So go read it first, please:

The Theology of the Lottery of Life

2. Ok, now that you’re back; moving on to Phase 2:

My friend and neighbour Alie posted a video on her facebook page last night. It follows the story of Narayanan Krishnan who happens, as I googled him, to be one of CNN’s 2010 Top Ten Heroes. (I can’t find the original video to embed it, so this link will have to suffice. My apologies. Please stay with me … )

Click here to watch the video: Videos Posted by Chennai Expats: Dec 2, 2010 7:40am.

Narayanan talks about the purpose of his life. And I can’t help but think about my own purpose on the earth and then my friend Ellie’s comment this morning: “I didn’t know Jesus was from India.”

3. Follow that with a blogpost by the lovely & candid Laura Parker who lives in Thailand, caring for orphans with her family. She’s raising awareness around the global orphan crisis. Her blogpost is stunning–do yourself a favour and read the whole piece:

We were wrong {The Orphan Crisis}

Two parts grip me:

a. Two years ago a church in Texas ran a full-page ad in The Dallas Morning News with a public apology:

We Were Wrong

Wow. I can’t tell you how much this makes me want to cry and sing at the same time.

b. Laura then relates this exercise in missing the point to the orphan crisis and our indifference now. The video that nails it, making me shake at my core, then is this:

That’s my Hudson … Or: That’s my Shay. That’s my Daniel. That’s my Caleb. That’s my Adam. [Insert the name of your own child.]

Now, I ask you … What do I do with this, the pile of Christmas presents on the floor, the sick feeling in my stomach and the question in my heart: What if we are living the completely wrong Love story?

I’m not the same girl, no.
I want a brand new world.